i feel it all, i feel it all.

you know when you see a really good movie and it makes you feel like your life is so simple, plain, boring, and ordinary? well maybe thats because they dont often make movies about college kids sitting around their rooms pretending to study and listening to bad indie rock or maybe its that the conversations we have while outside smoking are really just us loving the sound of our own voices and not ultimate life truths. either way there is something about seeing a really good movie that makes me feel like i am just not doing enough. movies are filled with only the most important events. but the most important events dont happen like that in real life, not every 3 minutes like in movie land. perhaps thats all i need to recognize. when i see a really good movie, i realize this:

i want to simplify my life while at the same time exaggerating myself, if that is possible. not so much being dramatic, but just go full force into the things that make me feel alive, the things im most passionate about. i want to be intense. maybe i already am, but i think im a pretty big pussy, or have been for the last year or so. and you know what? im over it.



heres the thing though;
i havent seen a really good movie in a long time.







ps.
listen to more chick rock.

in a suburban town with nothing to do...

patiently waiting for something to happen.


sometimes
i get upset,
because i realize that
i dont let anyone get close,
and i push away everyone who does.




today i want to sit and smoke cigarettes and talk for hours
with you and you and you and you,
and you all know who you are.


but my tonsils are infected,
and i have 4 more sections of math homework,
and i probably dont have anything interesting to say anyway.




sometimes michelangelo would leave his sculptures unfinished. big blocks of marble half done. you can see body parts or the side of a face trying to emerge and it looks as though there are souls stuck inside. my new years resolution was to finish everything i start. but what if the ending is unfinished?

i got a new song to sing...

and it goes

lalalalalala

and you know it's the easiest way.







i dont know who i wanna do more:
spike jonze or bjork?




also for those of you who missed bubba peeing into a water jug,
while ben carden is screaming,
patty pats is trying to drive 75mph on the freeway,
and im laughing with my hands over my ears,
let me just tell you,
'time of the season' by the zombies will never be the same for me.




also,
"how long is all night?"

photos from my trip to sanfran,

most beautiful picture ever.





hahaha.


"stop texting!"


my love!


seriously, have you heard of sarah silverman?











ladies night.


scoppage.


city of lovve.


happy as a clam!

i neeeeed you SO much closer.

dont worry,
the only way to have a good time,
is to make a major fool out of yourself.

so we will become a happy ending.

things that make it all ok:

-page france

-two and a half hour phone conversations with james harry isaacs

-b-12 shots

-dinner with melanie

-new clothes

-summer!!

-BJORK PLAYING IN SF WHILE IM THERE!

-dad not hating my new tattoo

-getting my ears stretched again in less than 24 hours

-splitting pitchers with chance

-clear conscience

-really nice messages




basically, i feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. i have my summer all planned out and its gonna be so easy. college algebra from 9-10am M-F, and then my internship from 10:30-5 M-F. i see nothing but blue skies ahead of me. the only little blip is gonna be getting my tonsils out in august. ughhhhhh.






BY THE BY,
'people as places as people'
IS PROBABLY THE BEST SONG ON THE NEW MODEST MOUSE ALBUM :]]

everyone knows it hurts to grow up.

children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.


our bodies get bigger
but our hearts get torn up.
we're just a million little god's
causin rain storms
turnin' every good thing to rust.

i guess we'll just have to adjust.

with my lighnin' bolts a glowin'
i can see where i am goin'
to be.

really funny old roids.

tits!


i miss my huge miss sixty bangle. also, hi david bazan!


naked in the pool, this is what i do :]


uh oh broken flip flop!


thumbs up with chucky p :]]


yes that is my sexy tummy in the background.


IM THE OG DANCE OFF QUEEN!


if you dont know, dont ask!

cant do it, not even if sober.

every time you think youre talking youre just moving your mouth...

so today someone said this to me

(and i think it was the best thing anyone has ever said to me,
and it sums up completely what is going on in my life):


its like floating on a book down a river
and all the fish have books
and we all really like to switch.


honestly i love that.