the only moment we were alone.

did your parents take you on trips every summer when you were little? did you keep going when you got older, even though your two older brothers werent going anymore? i did.

my parents took me to:
california
england
france
hawaii
boston
new york
ohio
michigan
montana
canada
washington DC
italy
switzerland
germany.

i saw:
great lakes
the david
auchwitz
glacier national park
the statue of liberty
poverty
gypsies
the eiffel tower
vietnam monument
pearl harbor
buckingham palace
disneyland
mt. caputo
cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents.

i:
rode horses
swam in salt water
drove a moped
climbed 1000 stairs
got stung by a jellyfish
drank a lot of beer
was jealous of accents
cried
sat in a lot of airplanes.

i am nineteen years old. i talk a lot. i think even more. i am addicted to drugs. i am boring. hi. lets be friends.

ok so you see i have this problem.

boys make me these mix CDs and i listen to them, but i guess i dont pay attention or something i dont know. then i listen to them like a year later and i go "oh shit!".

because you see boys make me these mixes where every song subtly or not is telling me they love me. and i just dont get it. then i blow them off or break their hearts, because i am scared. and then a year later i realize what was really going on and i feel like a stupid bitch.

basically i am a stupid bitch who leaves broken hearts in her wake, but i got my payback, so i wish those boys would just let me back in, because i miss them, and i need them and i care about them.

it's just so sad and pathetic that this has happened more than twice.

tears i am so useless and little.

bitches aint shit but good people.

I AM ASSUMING NOTHING, BUT ALWAYS HOPING FOR SOMETHING.

it's raining it's pouring...


and i am still awake.

i am the textbook clinical definition of a rape victim.
it is kinda boring and i am kinda tired of being this way.
lame-o.



by the way, from now on, my constant mood is "ch-chillin".

hey friend listen up they're playing our song
on the radio, do you have to go?
i really like it, this rock and roll...


basically i miss you.
do you miss me too?

too much vanilla coke.


too many cigarettes.

i did a great powerpoint presentation.
and studied very hard for my psychology exam.
i like adderall. a lot. maybe too much.


MIRAH -- THE GARDEN... LISTEN TO IT NOW!

i bit my tongue. oops!

you know how some people make you so damn sick to your stomache but you cant say anything about it because it will make you look foolish?

well there are too many people that i know like that right now.

and i keep ending up with my foot in my mouth.

i dont want to be that girl you hooked up with saturday night.
i am tired of being that girl you hooked up with.
i am that girl you hooked up with to too many people.

i want to be that girl that excites you.
and makes your heart pound.
and is cute and sweet and interesting and worth it.

and i dont even know who you are.

another important conclusion:
i am very glad that i do not live in spokane, because spokane is only amazingly awesome, great, fantastic and perfect in the summer and middle of winter.