advice.

from the best of all sources always,
miss sylvia plath:


"i cut you out because i couldnt stand being a passing fancy.
before i give my body,
i must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams.
and you werent having any of those."


&


"if you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter ---
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself...
beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here."

im not enough.

someone needs to help me with these things.
someone else needs to know whats going on and care too.
someone else needs to be there, just be.

i feel like i cant do enough, or im not doing enough.
i know just being there is enough, but i feel like there should be more.
there has to be more i can do.

i understand why people come to me, but its too much.
things are not going well for a quite a few people in my life right now.
quite a few people that im really really scared for, and really really love.

i feel like there is no one i can talk to about all of it,
because no one else will care, or can care, or is here.

and its like, no one is coming right out and asking for my help,
but you know when someone is reaching out to you.
you know when someone just tells you things.

or when someone says,
youre the first person who called me to hang out today,
youre the only person who asked how i was doing today.

i dont think anyone else is sitting spending hours at a time trying to figure out what to do.
im a mess too. im in way over my head with my own shit, and now
now im racking my brain trying to figure out how to help.

and i just want to help. i just want to be able to make it better.
i just dont think i can do it alone.
i just need other people to actually care.

im going to try and be strong enough,
and i dont want anyone to think they shouldnt come to me,
because i will never stop being there and i will never stop trying to fix things,
and i will never stop caring.

maybe im over reacting,
or maybe its about time someone acted at all.